When it comes to your wedding ceremony, one of the most important parts is the exchange of vows. Not only because they’re a legal element of your ceremony, but because it’s a way to express the promises you want to make, and the dreams you wish to share.
And I should know, because I’m a marriage celebrant. Yep, my name is Olivia Mackinnon, and I’ve been an authorised marriage celebrant for two years. I’ve had the pleasure of officiating around 22 weddings thus far, with more planned for this year. I am also a trained writer, and Head of Content for One Fine Day Wedding Fairs. Because of this background, my celebrant work quickly became largely about helping couples write their own vows, which is very much a trend that’s not going anywhere anytime soon.
I found that couples felt completely helpless when it came to where to start with their vows. They looked to their celebrant for help because they didn’t even know what kind of format to begin with. Did they have to include any legal wording? Is the ‘honour and obey, in sickness and in health’ that we see in the movies a must-do?
Here’s what you need to know when writing your own perfect wedding vows:
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The legal part
Your celebrant will cover the ‘legal’ part of your vows. This is made up of just 4 lines, where you (full legal name), take your partner (full legal name) to be your lawful wedded partner/husband/wife. They can make this part longer, if you wish, but as long as those four lines are included, the vows are considered legally binding. Your celebrant will either give you the script to include in your vows, or ask you to recite them after he or she, and then invite you to read your vows (the ones that you’ve written) to your partner.
Who brings them?
Your celebrant will bring your vows to the ceremony for you. If they haven’t offered yet, just ask them.
Here are 10 of the best Hacks to Write your own Wedding Vows in 2023:
1. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Weigh up what means the most to you
When you think about your partner, and the life you share together, what means the most to you? Is it the quiet moments you share? The activities you do together? Perhaps it’s the way they make you feel, or the ways they express their love?
2. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Don’t be afraid to bring up the ‘bad’, too.
Everyone loves a funny moment. If you love every day with your partner ‘even the ones where they take 30-minute showers’, throw that in there too. Your vows are a perfect place to let your personality and your quirks shine through.
3. WEDDING VOW HACKS
What are the small things your partner loves?
Is it enjoying a slow coffee in the morning? Talking about their day with you at night? Indulging in their favourite foods together? Or driving up the coast for no reason at all? Open a new ‘note’ in your phone and have it handy for whenever something pops into your head. You’ll find that things tend to come to you over time, so you need to be ready when gold strikes!
4. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Ask each other some pointed questions
In order to get the answers you want, you need to first ask the right questions. Especially if you feel like your partner will need a little bit of prompting, it’s a good idea to set out some ‘thought starter’ questions. For e.g. ‘what do you love most about me?’, ‘why do you see me as your ideal partner?’, ‘what are your hopes for our future together?’
5. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Think about what 10 years from now looks like, and then 20?
Think about what your ideal life looks like in those time frames, what are some things you can promise to do to help you get there? Think of the bricks that will build this life, what are they made of? How can you integrate them into every day life? Is it kindness, understanding? Being a safe space for your partner, a show of love each day? Include mention of these things.
6. WEDDING VOW HACKS
‘Honour and obey’ is a bit outdated
To be honest, from the perspective of a celebrant, nobody uses this anymore. They may use the more traditional-style of vows that include things like, ‘to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part’, but these, along with that line about promising to ‘honour and obey’ are not used in more modern wedding ceremonies, but can do!
7. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Agree on a tone
The thing you don’t want is for your partner to be injecting jokes throughout his vows, while yours stay super serious, or pull on the heartstrings. Discussing the tone still leaves room for surprise on the day, it just ensures you’re on the same wavelength!
8. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Don’t shy away from your personal jokes
On the topic of tone, don’t be afraid to use personal jokes. While you’ll most likely have a captive audience on the day of your wedding, unless you’re eloping, it’s a good idea to write them like you and your partner are the only ones in the room. It doesn’t matter if the guests won’t understand a certain joke, it’s about the two of you, and your shared weirdness, quirks, and personal experiences.
9. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Decide on a rough length
Like when you’re deciding on the tone of your vows, it might be a good idea to aim for a certain length. One paragraph, two? What you don’t want is someone writing a full page and the other person only writes a paragraph. That would go down like a lead balloon…
10. WEDDING VOW HACKS
Get your celebrant to be your proofreader
This is (part of) what they’re there for! Your celebrant is a great middle man, who can crosscheck everything for you to ensure you are on par in terms of length and tone. They can also request more from either of you if they feel you haven’t addressed some of the points above. Sometimes one of the parties will just need someone to ask a pointed question to get an answer that will make the vows utterly perfect.
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Hero image Imaj Photography.
By Olivia Mackinnon
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One Fine Day Editor
